Is it just me or is there an unspoken pandemic for which there is no vaccine? It seems to cover the earth like a blanket. People are on edge, angry, and divisive. Does anyone recognize it? Know how to define it?
I see it as loneliness. The recent pandemic fed the loneliness, creating social isolation that distanced everyone from everyone else. And humans are social. We need each other.
Recall the days when you stepped outside and your neighbors hollered to you or waved, or even brought their cups of coffee and sat on your porch step for a while sharing their lives – things that happened, the latest scuttlebutt, reminiscing the past or someone who impacted their lives and now had died. Weddings, new babies, their vacations. Everything.
My mother decided to replace the picture window on the front of our home. Essentially, she traded a picture window (with my memory of a snowball’s residue sliding down the glass on a Thanksgiving Eve) for a window wall that would allow more sunlight into the living room. That window was VERY heavy. Mom asked for help and the men of the neighborhood came to assist her. They lifted the window into place and held it while she framed it in. (Yes, you read that right.)
That’s the kind of neighborhood where I grew up. To this day, I can’t look at that window without seeing the faces of the people who came to help that day, who helped whenever there was a need, people I came to regard as extended family. Everyone cared about everyone in the neighborhood. If there was a need, we all did what we could to help.
There were block parties, fireworks on the Fourth of July, and water fights to kick off summer vacation on the last day of school.
There were bullies and those who were perceived as weak. There were those who appeared to think they were better than everyone else, and those who felt they would never be good enough or would never fit in. There were those who were judgmental, sometimes to a fault. There were those who were generous, kind, compassionate.
Something we have lost, I think, is our ability to be kind. Someone always seems to be wearing a target, taking hits for so simple a thing as dislike. (I think I have shared with you that my mother told me long, long ago that everyone wasn’t going to like me, but that was OK because I wasn’t going to like everyone I met, either.) So maybe dislike is a complex thing because of the envy, the covetousness, or as our mothers used to say, “the Green Monster,” and how ugly it makes us.
When did we forget how to be kind? I left a recent meeting because I became very angry about the disrespect I heard and saw happening in front of my eyes, among people who used to be friends. When I was asked if I was coming back I said we need to learn about kindness again because I can’t handle what I have been seeing. And it is not just at that organization. It is everywhere. We have forgotten that, as mature, responsible adults, we should be good role models for those who are following behind us – be their road maps for negotiating life.
Social isolation affects our physical and mental health, increasing risks of chronic conditions of the heart or lungs, the cardiovascular system, hypertension, stroke, metabolic disorders. And then there is depression.
Social isolation has signs. When someone you are dealing with becomes hostile, is this a clue to the overwhelming struggle they are living? Do they need compassion and understanding rather than an angry response? Has this ever been you?
Fragmented sleep, fatigue, no impulse control, more negativity, deeper depression are also signs. These issues of social isolation can affect our ability to think and our reasoning abilities … and dementia. Humans need to be connected to other humans who form their social support systems.
As we want others to hear us, we also need to listen to others, helping each other, learning about the give and take of kindness, compassion, empathy, and love. We need to work together to rebuild what we have lost, to find strength and unity that will heal the injured hearts and minds that struggle now in our society. All of us have an interest in this.
Family Recovery Center has professional staff who are ready to listen when you have no one else to talk to. The goal is for the health and well-being of all. Contact the agency at 964 N. Market St., Lisbon; phone, 330-424-1468; or email info@familyrecovery.org. Visit the website at familyrecovery.org. You can find Family Recovery Center at Facebook. FRC is funded in part by United Way of Northern Columbiana County.